I have been thinking for a while as do most writers what constitutes a writer, when would I consider myself to be a writer. When is it a hobby as opposed to a calling etc…
Imposter Syndrome is a big thing for writers, how many times have I been asked what I do outside of work and I will list a few things:
Days out with family
Then I will absently say I like to do a little writing. I have always said to people that if you write, you are a writer but I am not sure if I even believe it myself. Hence Imposter Syndrome.
I am a classic procrastinator and I spend most of my writing time world-building rather than writing and this is something I am trying to work on. However, I have written a couple of terrible Novellas (during NaNoWriMo) and I have lost of started but unfinished stories/ideas. I am trying to turn this around now and start doing more actual writing.
I think for me I can say I am a writer, but I wont ever be truly happy until I can say I am a published writer, and to get this I need to actually finish something.
Well, we managed to make it through the craziness that was 2020, this time last year I would have been planning to do more writing and making sweeping statements, little did I know what was to come from this crazy year.
When this all started I was managing a Buying Team for local government and my day job changed, I found myself working with my team to source PPE for the staff to use to safely do their jobs. It was very satisfying ensuring all of our staff were protected but changing the team’s focus and then setting up a logistical section to manage the delivery, packaging, and sending of PPE countywide was quite an achievement. During this time I should have been writing but I just wasn’t in the right space.
It’s now January 2021 and we are in a third lockdown, something that has had to be done to try and help the country manage this situation as the new variant of Covid is spreading faster. More and more “real” life is looking like the beginning of a zombie movie, I had better start preparing because I have a very serious fear that when the zombies rise I am knackered. Best get fit so that I can protect my family 🙂 In all seriousness my life hasn’t changed a great deal, the main thing for me is me and the wife (and sometimes the kids) would go somewhere most weekends and we haven’t been able to do that. We would like nothing better than to go to Flamingo Land, visit a beach or something like that. Roll on the vaccine rollout so that life can get to somewhere near what it was like before this started. Hopefully, Covid will just be another vaccine I need to get yearly along with the flu one.
I have started to look again at what I need to achieve in 2021, I am hoping that this year is more positive than the last 15… I have some re-learning I want to do and then there is writing. I really do need to do something to get into a position to be able to achieve my goals. then there us health, I need to do something drastic to try and lose weight.
We shall se how the year progresses and I will try and update on here.
Partway into October, I started planning my Nano project, but being as it’s me I got bogged down in world-building and plotting characters. The result was the start of Nano and I only had the Prologue, chapter 1, and how I wanted it to end.
Because of this lack of planning and no proper outlining, I quickly lost what I was doing and then my mind accepted that I didn’t have time to do this, then I set it to one side. It’s quite frustrating and I could slap myself for not taking my own advice. It seems like if I don’t have a well thought out plan and an outline then I just cannot keep up with the daily word count.
I have always said I am a “Plantser” So I like to have a good outline, a map to follow with my ideas. But, when I start I often find that the story runs away with me while still keeping loosly tot he plan. I do need that outline though, and this time I didn’t have one, despite knowing what the timelines were.
I will have to see if I want to do Camp Nano in April and if so come up with a plan for it. If not, ensure I plan properly for next November. In the meantime keep writing.
2020 has been a very strange year but I cannot blame that on my lack of production, with most of my kids grown up I don’t have the restrictions I once had. Maybe 2021 will be my year, or maybe I will be writing the same things that I have done year on year. Time will tell….
It’s been two months (to the day), I did say that I wasn’t going to have these long gaps and that using this blog I would start to be a bit more productive. But, as usual, my plans didn’t go off as they should. I flip from one thing to another getting nothing finished. I’m 42 now, time is ticking away and I still procrastinate, at this rate I won’t have books on shelves to remember me by just this strange and varied diary type thing….
I had a discussion the other day with a friend about health and losing weight, I have started a new “plan” 1st of September and when asked why this one would be different I pointed out the saying that a heart attack or some other life-changing event is usually a catalyst for change. Where a person realises that if they do not change their patterns and lifestyle then serious repercussions are inevitable.
My choice was, do I want for this life-changing (or ending) event, or do I take the initiative to try and do something now, I have seen too much crazy shit this year to take the thought of leaving my family lightly. So… I have started watching what I eat, shakes for lunch, calorie counting etc… I have rejoined the gym, bought a football and skipping rope, and I have started developing a plan to get fit, lose weight, get the Hernia fixed, and then I can do more with my family and I can play with my grandkids without getting knackered. Four days in and I am doing ok, but as with anything I start, it remains to be seen.
So this is the first post in a while that isn’t going to be droning on about writing or relearning teach. I know crazy right…
Instead, I felt the need to post an unpaid advertisement for a new drink I purchased tonight. Captain Morgans Tiki, it’s a Mango and Pineapple drink. I don’t usually do the flavored drink thing as I like Whiskey and Bourbon, but I am partial to Captain morgan and I love pineapple, I can definitely say this one is worth the money. Paired with lemonade it’s the perfect blend of the Rum and fruits. 3 glasses down, i will have to be careful with this one.
It’s been a while again, I haven’t gone very far with my writing as usual. I have been working more on updating my tech knowledge, I also had an interview for a data-related IT job. I am still waiting to hear about this but getting ready for that rekindled my interest in code and Linux.
I was planning on still doing both but not doing writing much, part of the reason will be the online meetups for the writing group are just not working. most people that would regularly come to the meets just don’t do online meetings. The couple of members that would be there have just had kids so they cannot. So what this means for me is I don’t have that structure. I know it sounds like an excuse but I always write more when I am attending the groups.
Had a long weekend of this weekend and I had a list of things I wanted to do. but none of it has been done, I have been unwell for a few days now and so not had the energy to do what I wanted to do. I am off today and I have a job to apply for this morning and then I can bum around some more.
For the tech learning I have started working through some Udemy courses, for SQL and Linux to re-skill and up-skill. I also got one of their courses on building sites in WordPress as that is something I would like to do more of, using less templates.
Sat on the laptop now as the main machine is updating, always makes me nervous when it takes this much time as it could be Winsux bricking my machine again and making me have to reinstall. Once Linux Mint 20 is released I am going to try that on my main 6 screen system, I am hoping it will work well so I can use this as a min OS and only boot windows when I want to play games.
Anyway, time to get sorted to try having a productive day, also need to make a docs appointment… fun fun.
Motivation can be a strange thing, especially with me. I am lucky that I have an understanding wife and I have an office in which to work. Many people have to write anywhere they can but I have my Batcave, Sanctuary, Den. Whatever you want to call it, but, for me it can be both a boon and a curse, there are a lot of distractions in there and sometimes I can lose hours in there and have nothing to show for it. So I am glad when I can go to my writing group meets as it means I have some dedicated writing time, and it works quite well usually, we catch up which takes some of the time but then we get some words down and the atmosphere is great.
As we are in a lockdown (however relaxed as it is) we obviously cannot meet up so we thought it would be a good idea to get some online meets down. It seemed like a good idea, but in reality, it hasn’t worked as well as we had hoped. it seems harder to get people to want to meet up “online” between other commitments and getting the technology to work, we just haven’t had much luck. So sometimes it can only be two of us, a couple of the regulars have just had babies so this occupies most of their time as well, but they try as much as they can, sometimes getting more writing then me done, and I have no excuse.
This has meant that sometimes I am online supposed to be writing but I find I am pottering about on the internet waiting for someone else. I know what you are going to say, there is no reason I couldn’t be writing in those times. But, I am someone that works better when I am held to account. Hopefully, this virus will do one soon and I can get back to normal meets. In the meantime, it would be good if I could get my ass into gear regardless of who else is there.
Also, I was looking back through my posts and notice I seem to post that picture of a baby showing a fist waaaay too much, need to keep a check on that.
Anyway stay safe and keep writing, or working, or whatever 🙂
Isolation…. not as bad for me as other people, I still need to go into the office sometimes to sort deliveries of PPE to our staff. That and I need to do the odd thing for the daughter and grandson. On the days when I don’t do that I am it he house all day, it’s a strange thing but before all this, I would think nothing of staying in all day or weekend. Now, however, I find I want to go out. It doesn’t help that the weather is very nice at the moment.
So instead I would love to say I have been using my time to the best of my ability, but that would be a lie. I still spend hours in the office and don’t seem to achieve anything. Today for instance, I had all the intentions of spending the day on my writing, it is supposed to be Camp Nano but I haven’t done the planning and so don’t want to start as I will fail due to lack of planning.
I have my bullet journal and I am supposed to be using that to track my habits and set my goals, but as it’s just sat in the office I am not doing much with it, I will need to either pick it up and take it with me or I need to set some habits. Pick it up first thing and plan my day and then at the end of the day, mark off my tasks or move on to the next day. That was it may be more of an achievement when I complete things or more of a push when I am seeing the same task move on day today.
It really is strange to live in times like these, I see the lockdown continuing and perhaps being made worse by the people that won’t stay in. Some fo them actually going to the bloody beach… idiocy! We shall see, it’s reviewed next week and we can see where we stand. It definitely is something that will be talked about for a long long time.
Anyway, back to the grind, work tomorrow although its a bank holiday weekend coming up and I am hoping that I can achieve much by good planning, I need to relax given how busy and stressful it is at work but at the same time I want to use this time to start and move my dreams closer.
Sometimes I write this blog and I think maybe someone will stumble upon it one day, but given we are in the throes of a pandemic may be the apocalypse I have been reading about for so long is with us and before long we will all be wandering through a dystopian world trying to survive… or maybe I am just being overly dramatic. 🙂
To keep things calm while I go into the outbreak, here is a pic of my doggo isn’t he awesome 🙂 So, I haven’t blogged or even written anything about this until now but boredom and a want to write has given me the push to chuck some words on to (digital) paper. It’s strange to think just a few weeks ago I could go to the shop and buy something without it being a piss on. Now we need to have a good reason, wait in massive queues due to limited people allowed in at a time and then there is the social distancing, the buzzword of 2020. Don’t get me wrong I am not moaning about the precautions, I am just in disbelief at how something like this is now affecting so many lives.
In December when China was on the news I don’t think anyone realised what it was going to turn into, Jan we had the couple in York and people started to make jokes and nervous comments and then into Feb the social distancing comes in. Mid March the warning for vulnerable people started ramping up and then we had the warnings for non-essential travel. 20th he shuts pubs etc, we can all see the writing on the wall and then a few days later the dreaded lockdown started.
25th a new law was passed (Coronavirus Act 2020) giving the government and authorities powers to do what they need to slow the spread of this virus. and here we are on the 29th sat inside wondering what to do and facing potential several months of this and even if things are loosened at that point it will be a long time before the country is back to normal. It’s a strange time to be living.
I hope this will soon be over and we can look back and be glad we got through it but unfortunately that won’t be true for everyone.
Much love to those struggling with the isolation and to those dealing with bereavements at this difficult time. Look forward, to a brighter future.